Variations on a common bass pattern

Blah, blah. Here I am again. Did I post yesterday or two days ago? It’s been kind of a swift slither of days for a little while.

I had a serial killer dream last night. Something about little kids being taken to a room with pink walls and there was a knife involved, and I’m pretty sure I remember a garrote. Ew ew ew. I think it’s because I watched two or three episodes of Criminal Minds on Sunday while I was waiting to feel busy. I really should have cleaned my room instead. There are clean clothes all over the damn place (floor, lamp, laundry basket) just begging for me to get off of my ass and do something about it.

But I guess I won’t, because right now I’m writing and after this I’m going to put my shoes on and go to history class.

History always stresses me out. It’s one of the few “typical” academic classes we have here, and it’s so stupid because everyone is trying to be more of a know it all than the person they’re sitting next to. I don’t even bother raising my hand, because although most of the time I know the answer and’ve done the reading, there’s no point– someone will either mutter or squeal out the appropriate reply and they’re the ones who are expected to answer by now, anyway. So what’s the point? And in addition to those who actually speak up in class, you have the rest of the vast majority who sit there seething with self-righteousness because they know but they are too good to put their hands up, unless it’s meekly and demurely every once in a while. Then there’s usually eyelash batting or self-deprecating smiles involved. It’s like, please, guys.

I actually don’t give a crap, though. I don’t fall into either of those two categories. I don’t feel left out because I don’t answer– I don’t feel unjustly ignored and too perfect to contribute, either. I just don’t feel like getting involved in it at all.

That’s me. Plain detachment. When I become emotionally invested in things I can’t change, I have to remove myself from thinking about it, caring about it. Having some kind of emotional input about it. Otherwise I tend to drive myself crazy dwelling on it and that’s unproductive, and why — seriously, why?– should anyone be miserable because of a situation they can’t control?

I’m not really talking about history anymore, but the question remains the same. Why should I allow myself to feel like less of a success, less of a musician, less of an intelligent and capable human being?

A question to ponder on the way to history.

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Hin und zurück

… are vocab words for this week’s chapter in Deutschland-Klasse. “There and back.” Well, it’s weird because it feels like I’ve experienced the concept this week.

I got back to Eastman last Saturday afternoon with one goal only: to write my history paper.

I began at four and was done by seven-thirty. I’ll probably go back and revise, closer to the due date.

I then unpacked for most of the night and was the only brand-new ASM at opera rehearsal on Sunday afternoon. Beth and Abby came to the second one that day and then off we went, it seems.

There begins the “hin” portion of my tale. I had no idea what to expect, but crammed in that black box theatre with the chorus, I started to feel, for the first time, that this was really, really where I wanted to be. Not assistant stage managing, hopefully, but for now that’s enough.

Alongside Abby and Beth, I’ve fallen headfirst into this show. It’s finally (finally) coming together and there are only two (dress) rehearsals left until opening night this Thursday. I’m not sure if I’m excited or bummed that it will all be over so quickly for us. I think that the three of us have grown quite attached to this show (as weird and kind-of uneventful as it is), and we definitely love the cast.

Anyway, long story short, today we had a day off and it was the weirdest thing ever– it was like life had been suspended in some Eastman Theatre-esque space. But today we didn’t have to be there. So, I practiced in the morning, but other than that didn’t get a whole lot accomplished because I was busy waiting to be busy… if that even makes sense. I’m most productive when I have a schedule crammed full of things I enjoy doing, because then I’m motivated to get the things that I don’t enjoy doing the hell out of the way.

Uhg. Speaking of, I have to sleep now. I’m going to read for a few minutes first and then I’ve got to try to sleep. I just said sleep twice (now three times) in two (three?) consecutive sentences. Definitely time to go.

Gute Naaaaacht!

Since I can’t seem to focus enough to write my Deutsch test…

I’m sitting at my desk on my last day in Rochester before Spring Break Round 2 begins. I have to get through German, a meeting, Diction, another meeting, a quick Java’s trip, a bit of last minute packing, a final meeting, and the trial of loading the car and making everything fit properly. There is snow flurrying every which way in front of my window, as if it doesn’t know which direction to take. Like so many feathery white gnats, confused and energized. That snow wasn’t there a half hour ago when I walked back from Music for Special Learners.

But, shit changes, you know?

Like right now, I’m going to have to do a total mood shift and work on my German test. I have to write about my hometown for a fake tourist pamphlet, using the genitive case and at least fünf Adjektive… and since I couldn’t seem to tear myself away from this damn computer to do it, I decided to compromise with myself and do it here. Here we go…

Gowanda liegt in der Nähe der Buffalo, New York. Das Land is wunderschön! Es hat grüne Walde und starke Flüsse. Das Dorf ist klein aber hat es ein historches Gebäude! Das Hollywood Theater hat seit den 1920er gestanden. Das Theater hat ein grosses Balkon und ein grosser Haus. Das Hollywood kann 990 Leute sitzen! Im Sommer Gowanda hat das Biker-Rallye, weil das Theater brauchen repariert. Das ist die tollste Sehenswürdigkeit jedes Jahr. Der vierzehnte “Hollywood Happening” Biker-Rallye ist im Juni dieses Jahres: die ersten, zweiten und dritten! Man kann übernachtet im preiswertes Hotel Palm Gardens. Man kann im Restaurant Olympia essen oder man kann das Fastfood im Tim Hortons, Subway oder McDonald’s finden. Das Hollywood Happening hat die Lebensmittel-Anbieter auch! Man kann Musik hören und tanzen Freitag bis Sonntag! Am Sonntag eine neue Harley-Davidson Motorrad verlost. Gowanda ist ein kleines Dorf aber es ist ein schönes und interessantes Dorf!