Urge

My room is a disaster zone. This head cold I’ve been hanging out with for almost a week now is showing no inclination to leave. I haven’t made a great deal of progress learning new music, although things are starting to improve. And I haven’t done laundry in almost two weeks.

I’m lazy. But slowly growing more motivated. It’s one of those things that comes and goes for me, and I’m worried that I’ll be so excited about POTENTIALLY being capable of making real steps toward improvement that I’ll just spend all of my energy and end up pathetic and back where I started. I’m determined that that won’t be that case, though. Honestly it might come down to sheer willpower… which I have in abundance some days and seriously lack on others.

I go home in nine days, though, so hopefully that will act as a spur, of sorts. Speaking of, I should probably stop wordpressing and start to pick up the haphazard piles of clothing and books that are strewn all over my floor…

Ужь ты нива моя (The harvest of sorrow)

The day I memorized my Russian (a poem)

My buddy Sergei.

The day I memorized my Russian
I decided to take a new tack
It was the day of a master class and
I was sick of being told not to slack*

It was a humid and muggy and watery day
(Meaning I drank lots of water while I paced and I prayed)

The day I memorized my Russian
I wrote it all down in Cyrillic twice
It was muttered and scribbled and screamed and
Sung and I realized laziness was my worst vice

It was a hurried and stressed and embarrassing day
(Since, well, I came to terms with myself, in a way)

The day I memorized my Russian
Well, I thought about Eastman a lot
Will I make it if I can’t pull this off for today
Maybe my chances at succeeding are shot

It was a reflection, realization, come-to-Jesus at best
(I don’t need to relax, overthink, or to rest)

The day I memorized my Russian
It clinched something in my soul
Cliche and think whatever but
Music’s going to play its role

It was a long and trying afternoon when I learned my Рахманиновь
(But I’m motivated, here and now, and still will be when push comes to shove.)

*For the record, it’s been since, like, last October when anyone’s told me seriously to take practicing seriously. Since then, I’ve been the one telling myself not to slack. I just don’t listen.