Things I want

A dog.

My own place. Preferably with things like a kitchen. And a bathroom.

To pass theory. With all of my heart, I yearn to pass theory. In fact, if I could kick its ass all the way from here to Never Land, that would be optimum.

To go to grad school for free.

To write a book this month. I promised myself last November that it would happen and it didn’t. I guess I hadn’t wanted it badly enough.

A 3.5+ GPA this semester.

To take Intermediate Deutsch next semester without getting yelled at.

To learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn without fear of failure

I should go to sleep

Well, I should.

I feel like everything I post nowadays is really boring, or about how busy I am or how I’m feeling.

I wonder what it would be like to not talk about myself for once? But I suppose that my most knowledgeable subject so it’s easiest to discuss.

It has been sunny lately (default: weather). This is great. Vitamins, minerals, natural light/natural warmth.

Okay forget this, I can’t even pretend to want to talk about anything else. I love sunshine. It makes me happy. Therefore the weather today was even correlated directly with my feelings. It’s not as if those feelings are any more relevant than yours, say, or my next door neighbor’s, but they’re what I know. So I’m going to discuss it, all right?!

And now I’m arguing with myself. Title=case in point right now. Entirely pointless, self-centered two minute post finished. Gute nacht.

Some days I think, I should shut up. Today is not one of those days

I don’t want to do my diction homework. I don’t want to learn IPA right now.

Okay, I mean, I do, but not the way that we’re learning it and not in a stuffy room crammed full of singers and open e’s and o’s and headaches.

I don’t want to wait for my laundry. In fact, I didn’t want to laundry at all today because I just don’t want to. But no, I shoved two dollars and fifty cents worth of quarters into that machine and by God I will have clean clothes. They just might not be all the way dry by the time I go to get them out of the dryer. I have class at three thirty and I don’t want anyone else touching them while I pretend to enjoy Rep Singers.

I don’t want to do my theory. I don’t even want to go to theory any more. I can’t believe how awkward I made it for myself.

Um, but please. My recently vocal sassy side shakes her head and does the Z-finger-snap thing because hey buddy. If you don’t want me, say so and don’t mix your signals. In my experience, drunken behavior is the most telling because you are at your most relaxed and uninhibited in an intoxicated state. Therefore, it leads me logically to the conclusion that you’d want me if I’d say so.

Don’t lie to me now that you’re sober. Don’t ignore me now that you’re sober. I don’t appreciate it and it makes me lean toward the notion that oh my, you can be a jackass. It’s not my fault I’m mysteriously attracted to you. In all honesty, I cannot think of a solid reason why I am. Okay, you have some really pretty eyes and you’re not a tenor.

Those aren’t even Good Reasons. Like, what the hell. What’s wrong with me?

Or better, what’s wrong with you? Since apparently you can flirt with everyone else and not with me? Unless you’re drunk? I’m so confused. Don’t lead me on. I don’t have time.

I do have a significant amount of stubbornness and crankiness though. I can be kind of a pain in the ass if things don’t work out my way here. But I’ve taken steps and now I’ll wait for you to make yours and if they’re in a direction I don’t like I’ll do something else and pretend it doesn’t affect me at all.

I mean I probably will care but it will look like No Big. But just so you know, I’d have an open ear or arms for you if you ever wanted them.