“I want to have friends”

Why is it that the Avett Brothers always pull me back to myself? When I’m a little out of it, or shaken, miserable, glum, whatever… they pop up on shuffle and voila, reassurance. Or at least closure; or more importantly, a reminder that life isn’t about the little stupid dramas that are pointless anyway.

I want friends that I can care about. That let me care about them and can trust me. As I rely on them. To be honest, if not kind. “I want to have friends, that I can trust.”

That’s really all. Otherwise, you could probably be a psychopathic slasher and I’d probably not care. It’s really just honestly, or the lack thereof, that hurts. Is it something I did? Should I have left a friend to dwell on his own mistakes without talking them over? Should I have asked about things right away instead of speculating on my own time? Is there something I should have done differently?

Or does it not matter at all? As long as we care about each other and can forgive, and move on, does it matter? Aren’t we all thrown into this outrageously difficult world with our own problems and situations and manners of dealing with them? Shouldn’t we disregard mistakes– our own, others’– and make an effort to love everyone without judgment, without anger or jealousy or anxiety?

If I felt like tossing a reference out into Brendan’s neck of the woods right now (and I do), shouldn’t we love one another unconditionally? Without becoming jaded or sick about it? Like Jesus would. I guess I went there. Well, I said the Avetts brought me back to myself when I’m upset. Myself tends to love God, and also wants to love people. “I want to fit in to the perfect space; feel natural and safe in a volatile place. I want to grow old, without the pain… give my body back to the earth and not complain.”

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