I think I have unraveled a tiny portion of my churning unpleasant mood.

I don’t think the boy thing is directly related to the baby dream. Which is good.

But I do think that A.) I am disgusted with myself for thinking about boys/a boy, and in turn being distracted and B.) Letting that distraction keep me from being goal-oriented. Right now I’m of the mindset that I should just trust myself to do the best thing and not make myself sick thinking about the potentially negative results. But this is college. Everything here is bigger and badder than high school, and that’s great, but… that means that every mistake I make is bigger and badder, too.

I also think that the baby dream was partially correctly analyzed by the dream interpretation website. I just had a quick discussion about it. It was proposed that, due to the setting (here) and the instant and huge fear it gave me, that something here is developing, being born, and I’m scared of it. Whether it is for the best is yet to be seen. It was part of the newness and the unknown prospect of the baby that made up a large part of my terror. That same newness and unseen features could apply to whatever it is that’s growing. It could be my potential, or the prospect of a relationship, or my future. Or even something as simple as my voice.


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